words.

hey baby, you've been ignoring me since ytd due to the huge tiff we had.. :( and im sorry if i made you cry and your mom & dad told you to ignore me.

 I guess i shall just be honest here, as the internet and social media are my only comfort and i tend to rant and scream here more then i do to my own friends because i must admit i am truly attention seeking and i just wanted people to have attention towards our rs, not to know that its bad but to let you know how you are making me suffer and always hoping all this people could reach out to you and tell you to change. but i guess this is only what the most immature person would do, and countless time i have said i wouldnt post stuff online anymore but i guess my anger got the best of me and i couldnt help it. 

I'm sorry chan hong sheng. 

It's not that i hate you, its just that i tend to say more stuff when im angry but you yourself know it that i never once truly mean it.

Your mom and dad, may see me as a truly bad person due to the impression i gave in the past and due to all the cryings and heartbreaks i caused, the most i can do is to apologize to them here as well as im not so gutsy to tell them. 

My dad seen me cry up to 3 months, almost all for you. he sticked with me throughout the hospital, imh due to all my self harms, over dosage and anxiety problems. im over that phase now, im not suicidal neither am i chronically emotionally depressed. but i must admit, im super upset.

Not that i couldnt help myself, but you do know in the past all the hurt and harm you have caused to my heart and i couldnt handle it. i am sorry. 

things were gg so well, just that i had missed the old you. the one would always worry about my safety, when i got you gifts you would be so delighted and over the moon. and the way you made me feel is as though, you werent appreciative. 

Maybe you didnt had enough of feelings to show it, or maybe you were happy but you were unsure you do not wish to tell me. Maybe. Just maybe.

But still, the feelings you gave me was just a total whirlpool of confusion. i am still the same, i wont give up at all.

i wont back down.

Many have said i have lost in the relationship, i agree that i have lost. but it dosent mean losers cant be winners. i wont stay a loser forever, i know my ground and stand.

I've been calling you upteem times, but it seems like you do not wish to respond. I have never made a public apology to the internet before. I used to be a egoistic motherfucker.

But i hereby, will apologize. I admit i was being such a bitch the past few days, but i do not want to lose my boyfriend. i love you in fact, i do not hate you. its more to grudges. 

Please do not see the flaws in me, i was never unkind. Only rude at times, but every human also has their limits. I do not wish to say anymore. 

I will await for your call, and mean by if any of you guys reading this you can judge me for all i give the fucks in the world. I am nothing but an empty shell waiting to be loved. I would sacrifice everything, my pride, my ego, my life, in order for him to love me.

I would plant flowers in the moon, catch a falling star to show my love is wild and it cant be tamed. 

And i do not care about how you think.

I may be a disgrace to girls, as im putting down all my pride. but it dosen't matter to me no more, trend me, judge me, for all i fucking care.

I just want my boyfriend with me. 

I am sorry chan hong sheng, forgive me..?