n,

Hey there blogger. its been quite sometime since i updated. well like other typical 16 year old girl, i'll be blogging about the problems im facing now. cos you know its very normal right? to blog and bitch about stuff that happens in your everyday life.

So, i've got a boyfriend now. And we've been together for coming around 6month on this upcoming 30th of april. :) he's the 2nd guy i loved so much after yujie. this guy, he made me believe in true love. what love is really like, not like in a naive relationship of a 13 year old and and 14 year old. you know when i was in primary school, my teachers used to tell me that when im around 15 i'll know what is true love. my current boyfriend, or should i say after today my ex boyfriend made me believe in it.

but i guess not anymore.

things has been pretty rough for me and him after the 2nd month or 3rd. i cant really remember. we quarrelled upteen times, quarrelled really over alot of silly things. but time to time, he started to changed alot. he would scold me infront of his friends, embarrass me, tells me he dosent like my stuff and he's embarrassed with it. told me that other girls are much prettier then me, and he would love to upskirt them and stuff like that. :(

Well, i didnt treat him that well in the past either, As he lost his first kiss to this girl named jieling. i wanted to be the first so bad, so i scolded him like he had dirty mouth and stuff like that. but jieling is seriously a bitch, not because she took his first kiss. cos of the things she said to me. so she's a total fucking twat. so yeah whatever. so i guess, i hurt him real bad in the past.

so one day, i decided things has to change my retarded fucked up attitude has to change, so i did. i gave him a bear on valentines day brought him to eat swensens, apologise when i make him angry although i dont feel like its my fault but im just so scared to make him pissed so i just apologise. and things started to get worst, and he started scolding me like im a slut and stuff. and not that i wanna exaggerate like within a month he could like make me cry 3times a week? so its like... being with him its kinda painful.

he scolds me all the f's and vuglarities. 

although i understand the care and concerns he has for me but he shouldnt tell me off infront of everyone right? like there was once me and friends pui cab. so we had to squeeze in the taxi la. he even quarrelled with me because i sat with a guy that liked me. but no choice what. it just happened that we all rushed in the cab and i sat with him lah! 

And there's this guy, he used to like me. he was one of the most beautiful person on earth, he is so nice and caring and he cares for me so much more then my boyfriend. telling me apples wont cure me, saying im cute, will wait for me and stuff. but i had to hurt him. :( i really didnt want too.

because my boyfriend was so angry! he said i wanted to be with him, but i didnt say anything like that! so i had no choice and told him that he should stop having feelings for me. i feel really sad :( it is so nice to have someone noticing every single little thing you do. and whatsmore the guy that likes me, has never once hurt me before. :( he dosent even hurt me.

what should i do? today me and my boyfriend broke up. cos at first he was like goofing around cracking jokes, so i said that im a hum sup lou! cos he say diu lei lou mo! so i just say hum sup lou! then he say hum sup who? humsup john ah?! then i say ya he so handsome who dw humsup! then he asked me to marry him and he got all angry and left me alone. i know its my fault, but i was just joking know! why so serious!

And i confronted him afterwards, i asked him what is wrong with him. i cant remember what he replied, but i do know the arguement got quite heated up. and he asked for a break.

should i let go of this relationship? because honestly. i can't stand his attitude too. i told him upteen times, this is my N's year and the person i really need now is you. friends are so fake, and me and parents arent really on good terms. and you always choose to hurt me now? :( 

sigh. fml. i seriously am so lost. 

I'm not quite myself this days, guess we all come undone time to time in different ways. yet i have myself to blame, i guess you all don't understand that i need help in many ways.