fuck u

hey blogger. its been quite sometime since i updated. but i usually update because im feeling really down and upset, and i feel so lost and help-less. its the kind of feeling, that i cant really explain it. like you want to confront so bad yet you cant, and yet you cant do anything about it and just scream at a corner and no one can hear you.
Well, so me and zs broke up for coming 2 months now. and during this 2 months i thought i found somebody new. this person, made me realise alot of things. like, he pampers me, dotes on me, and all. he asked for my digits 2years ago but i rejected him. because i used to be really anti social back then. yet we met at avalon, and spoke to each other. i started the talk first, because i just needed a lighter. And, here we go agaun.
So for the past few weeks, it was really nice. he treats me so nicely, send me goodnight messages, bought food up to my place when i was hungry and all.
He remembers that i like to drink coke with two straws, and all. little things like this make me happy. but usually im the act cool kind HAHAH so i just act like it dosent really bothers me but i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. i've been so broke this few day, and he is always so kind to sponser me this and that.
to be honest, i felt it was to good to be true. but slowly a few of my friends told me, this is what it feels like to be pampered and loved. i was really shock actually, because i dont think i have felt this way before.
Slowly things started to get a little different.
there was one time, i was crying so badly in the middle of the night, because i quarrelled with my friends, so i dialled him and i told him i wanted to look for him. because looking at the guy i like sure make me feel better and happy one ma. but he told me he was busy, and he was working for his dad. and im like, okay i understand. but guess what, i found out 4am in the morning he was out with another girl and guy for prawning. when im at my lowest point, he wasnt even here for me.
i dont expect much actually, even if he didnt wanted to see me on that day its fine. but he replied to text messages so slowly. and this girl and him like danced at a club before. wtf. he fucking lied to me lor. seriously?????
what was that for sia. Ok nvm. On my ask.fm there are retard telling me that he grinded this girl. at first im like aiya not so easy la try harder to ruin things for me n him. but today after he left my place, i has 2 phone calls. his own good friends, told me it was true. and told me to take precautions of him.
so i confronted him and told him not to waste my time. and BEST POWER, he went out for a movie with that girl he danced with.
WTF RIGHT?! i never felt so cheated in my life before. the feeling is like so angry, dissapointed, and like i feel so lost. its like im so helpless. just like a fucking lost kitten.
you know, i liked that fucker alot. really alot alot alot alot alot. i dont know how much alot i can type la words just cant express how i feel for him, alot can already. but look what he had done. he told me he would never hurt me, he told me he would wait, he told me he wanted to cherish me, he told me so many things. And look at what has happened now?
why did he do this?
is it because im not good enough? am i to ugly? am i not doing good enough to keep him by my side? is it because i dont know how to dress up? put make up? be girly? is it? Idk. :(
I was being myself all the way anyways.
I guess maybe he is too good for me. he tweeted, why everyone has a long lasting relationship but him. he so flirt which girl want. damn sad la really...
shall go off now ciao.